So at the beginning of January I signed up for eHarmony....mostly out of boredom and curiosity. I had no intentions of actually meeting anyone. I think my plans are changing. I've been talking to this guy for just a little while, and he's asked to go on a date, and I'm thinking I might just go with it. He seems like a very nice guy. He's a Met's fan. He's pretty cute. He seems like he's got a good head on his shoulders. He uses good grammar. All of these are good things, so I figure there's no harm in going on a date. He's from ************, which is not too far, but not too close either. If things don't work out or he's psycho or awful, I doubt I'd ever run into him. So we'll see where this goes. He's leaving for vacation on Tuesday and wants to get together before then...which means Saturday or Sunday. The latter is ideal. And its also good he's going on vacation too, so I won't have to worry about when to call or when he'll call or when we should go out again, should the first date be successful. I'm feel moderately positive about this. I'm nervous for his phone call though. I'll be at work tomorrow, so its likely that I'll end up having to call him back, which isn't the most ideal situation, but whatever.

Last night I went out drinking with some friends and it was fun. I really miss my friends and it kills me that life isn't how it was in college. I mean I knew it would be different, but not this different. I feel so detached from everyone sometimes and I know its not going to get any better until retirement. I thought working full time and not having to worry about papers and deadlines or anything really once I left work would be a life improvement. Turns out I'd take those late nights spent meeting deadlines that I'd procrastinated on any day over what my life has turned into. All the Coach does make things a little better. Only a little though.

At any rate, I am beyond itching for vacation. I can hardly contain myself. It's all I think about, and frankly its the only thing that keeps me going. This may seem crazy, but I really feel like even when I'm not seeing my friends so frequently, baseball season just makes my life a whole lot brighter. Its amazing how a sport, that I don't even play; that I have no control over the outcome makes my life a million times better. Its inexplicable.

Oh. I forgot to finish my thought about last night. I had a good time at an old spot that I'd previously grown sick of. I think I'm in love with one of my very, very close friends. Its weird because people have been telling us lately that we'd make a cute couple or that we should date. It's all of a sudden and out of the blue. Everyone left to go home or to bed last night, and it was just me and him up and we had a nice talk for a couple hours. He's so sweet. He made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I shared a story about pb&j from nursery school. And then we went to sleep in like spooning position. But without physically touching. We talked about dating each other too. In a sort of dismissive way. And in the way that I just felt so comfortable with him because I knew he wouldn't try anything. He's really so sweet. And as much as I hate sharing a bed with anyone, I actually slept well and didn't mind even a tiny bit. Maybe its a sign. It's a shame...and a blessing, I suppose that I know that he's a terrible boyfriend. I feel this way about a lot of my friends, male and female. I don't really understand love. Like romantic love. Maybe because I've never really experienced it. But the love I feel for this guy is enough to make me want to marry him. I know it sounds strange, but the exact relationship we have right now is a relationship that I want to keep forever. And its one that I would want to solidify and celebrate. Like a marriage. Except I don't love him romantically. Not even a little. I have no desire to have sex with him or to kiss him or anything like that at all. But why isn't there like a sort of friendship marriage? I believe friendships are just as sacred and marital relationships. Why shouldn't the be celebrated? I guess its the monogamy thing.

Oh well. I'm rambling. I'm going to bed.