"I want to help people."

Yesterday was my last day of work. I had been dreading it, mainly because of the "hot seat" ritual. At my job when a client is positively discharged from the program or when a staff member leaves the company on good terms, we hold a hot seat and dinner. Hot seat is where the person leaving is the center of attention and everyone in the room (both clients and staff) say some final words to the person leaving and the person leaving says something to everyone else. It's a nice part of closure, but I generally dislike being the center of attention and was worried about what I would say so one particular client who I find to be a vile human being. I was also worried about what the girls would have to say to me too. I begged my supervisor not to make me have one. But I did. And now I'm so glad I did. Everyone (save that aforementioned client) had extremely nice things to say about me. Almost everyone cried and almost everyone said I really made a difference to them. My supervisor and my favorite coworker broke down in tears. But what meant more was the girls telling me how important I was in their progress.

I am not well paid. I will never be rich doing what I do. I work the worst hours and sometimes miss out on big events with friends and family. I get cursed out at work at least 3 times a week. I cry at least bimonthly because of work. I get physical bruises from restraining clients. In all the day to day bullshit that goes on at work, I sometimes forget why I chose this career path. There are so many times when I would be mid-crisis hold and think, sitting in an office from 9-5 would be so much easier. And it would be. The other thought that would always fill my mind is Am I really making a difference?

Yesterday I was reminded that what I do really, really matters and all the money in the world could NEVER compare to the feeling of knowing that because I exist, the world really is a better place.

And now for my next trick....

I am definitely developing insomnia. This is a real problem, as I need to be extraordinarily productive in the coming weeks and I'm finding I have less and less energy. Fortunately many of the tasks I need to complete involve shopping, which is a strong motivator. The less fun things on my list (room cleaning, laundry, scheduling doctor's appointments, pharmacy runs, learning to cook, etc.) are not getting done. On top of that, I'm finding spending time with my friends a chore, which is a horrible thing to have happen. I'm just so damn tired all the time. I have got to find a way to fall asleep before 6 am. Or at least a way to make the time I spend awake productive.

Well I officially have six days left of work. My last day is Thursday and we still haven't told the girls. Speaking of the girls...Today I took two clients to their doctor's appointments. One client (LY) was just going for her initial physical. The other (JG, a challenging client as she is severely cognitively limited unlike any of our other clients) went because she had been complaining of pain in her ear for the past few days. The two clients and myself are in with the doctor when the doctor looks in JG's ear. The doctor says "what is that in there?" and asks me to come look. Its white, so I ask JG if she'd been using Qtips to clean her ears. JG said yes, and everyone in the room agreed the foreign object stuck in her ear was probably a piece of cotton. The doctor attempted to get the cotton out with a pair of tweezers, but was unsuccessful as it was too far into JG's ear canal. At this point, Doc had no choice but to flush out her ear. I've had this done before and warned JG that this is an uncomfortable experience, but the process will relieve the discomfort she'd been feeling. The nurse came in and began the process. Sixteen year old JG began to scream and cry and knock things over in much the same manner as the 8 year old boy reacted to a shot. We'd previously concluded that the little boy was too old to be reacting so violently. The process ended, fortunately without major injury. The object was still lodged in JG's ear, but was pushed out far enough for the doctor to grab with the tweezers. The object is removed, and the following is unveiled:

Sadly in my wild fit of laughter, I was unable to hold the phone steady enough to take a clear picture. But that, my friends is a gum wrapper. With a tiny piece of green (probably spearmint) gum inside. How the gum wrapper got inside JG's ear? The world may never know.

Nobody likes you when you're 23.

So I started an entry a little while ago saying that my new mantra is "class promiscuity". I think there's a reason I never finished it. I'm moving to Miami next month...maybe I'll change my ways then. For now, I'm enjoying every minute of slutdom.

Its a shame I haven't been keeping up with this, because if I had, you'd know that for the past 3 weeks I'd been stressing about my birthday celebration. A friend and I have the same birthday and for the past three years we've been having joint birthdays, but this year we were having major disagreements over a venue.

Well I was mad, but Paco picked the best place ever. Open bar, 8th grade dance music, and a really fun crowd. Oh, did I mention open bar? That might explain why despite having a hotel room mere blocks from the bar, I woke up in Brooklyn. It might also explain why when I texted my two friends who were supposed to be staying in the hotel with me to find out what time check out was, one responded, "I don't know, I'm in Hoboken" and there other said, "Where are you, I'm in Jersey City". It was a trifecta of sorts. According to Blink 182, nobody likes you when you're 23...I'm finding, people like me more. I'm hoping that was the start to an excellent year. I want to be single forever.